COTW Live Blog 11:44 PST 1:44 EST

Live chip blog comin' atcha!

Professional live bloggers and chip connoisseurs Jasper and Mystery D bringin' u the chip 411 from Richmond.



J: Tonight we're going to be sampling four types of Calbee chips. As our readers know, Calbee is Japan's premier chip brand, so I think we're all pretty excited to get our chip on. I'm pleased to announce that we'll also have a special guest blogger here with us tonight at COTW: Mystery D. MD, thanks for joining us.

MD: Well, thanks for having me. It's a real honour.

J: Enough chit chat. Let's get eating chips.

MD: Agreed.

J: MD, since you're the guest of honour, I hope you'll do us the honour of selecting our first chip--I trust you'll do the honourable thing.

MD: I'm honoured that you would choose me for this honourable task. The Okonomiyaki intrigues me so let's begin with that.





J: Delightful. MD, what's your flavour reaction?

MD: On first taste I get a pleasant sensation, but the after effects leave a little to be desired. Salty, savoury...that's definitely a chip flavour. It kind of tastes like ketchup chips only with soy sauce.

J: You can really taste the yolk powder, can't you?

MD: Ah, that's what that is. Yes, it really overpowers the subtle bonito extract taste. What is "Okonomiyaki" anyway, J?

J: I've always heard it described as either a "Japanese pizza" or a "Japanese pancake." But it can't be both, and personally I think it's neither. Whoa, my keyboard has never been greasier...

MD: And we're only on the first bag. To authenticate our findings J has now gone to get a taste reaction report from our random sample of chip tasters.

Taste reaction #1: "It tastes like ketchup chips but not."
Taste reaction#2: "It tastes like mayonnaise mixed with ketchup chip powder."
Taste reaction #3: "I'm shy."
Thanks, chip tasters.

LIVE CHIP UPDATE: We have a towel now.

J: I'll be surprised if the other chips can compete with that. Amazing! On to chip #2...

MD: It's your turn to choose, J. What say you?

J: I feel like seaweed will be weird.




Apologies to all our chip friends out there, all around this world; due to high traffic on COTW the servers are overloaded--hopefully Zerocool will resolve this problem soon.

J: Let's actually open this bag of chips.

MD: That's a tough one, eh? They make those chip bags strong in Japan.

J: Victory!

MD: How's it tasting, J?

J: Fit for a Mer-King. Please pass me the towel.

MD: Yeah, not as good as the last one (as predicted) but a solid chip. I expected a stronger seaweed flavour.

J: This chip is off the hook. But I also preferred Okonomiyaki.

MD: The more I eat the less I like them.

J: In the spirit of authenticating our findings, let's get another taste reaction from the people downstairs:

Taste reaction #1: "I like that kind of chip."
Taste reaction#2: (Shaking head in silence.)
Taste reaction #1 again: "Can I have another one?"

MD: I don't even want to finish these. Should we give these to taste reaction panel?

J: Never! On to chip the third?

MD: Totes mcchips. How 'bout tomato?

J: Let us do this.

MD: It says to tear down... but it won't tear.



MD: These are beautiful chips...vibrant red & rippled...I can't wait to taste.

J: I'm just glad we have this grease towel.

MD: Because you spilled your beer?

J: BBQ! These are barbecue chips in a tomato package.

MD: Huh, I'm not tasting that at all. These are straight up tomato flavour, without a doubt. No ketchup taste at all, simply tomato.

J: Let's get a taste reaction from the taste reaction panel. MD, what are your findings?

Taste reaction #1: Weird, it tastes like tomato soup.
Taste reaction #2: It's like I'm eating ketchup.
Taste reaction #3: These could be zestier.

J: It does taste like eating ketchup.

MD: But it doesn't have the sweetness of ketchup. To me it's plain tomato...but with a crunch.

J: This is fun. Let's get bag #4 over with.

MD: Yes, let's take a little trip to India, via Japan, and eat some curry chips, aw yeah. Where's the towel?



J: One of us has a chip up his/her nose... hang on.

MD: These chips are delicious, and dare I say, my favourite flavour yet.

J: Yeah, they really clear your sinuses. Ugh.

MD: Oh yeah, medical advisory warning: don't snort chips at home.

J: In the spirit of full disclosure, this is not the first time I've eaten these chips, but if the tasting panel were still available I think they'd agree: we have a winner.

MD: I concur. They've got just the right amount of heat and this fine Bavarian Festbier complements them nicely.

J: I like how the Calbee chip mascot looks like he's judging us for eating four bags of chips in one sitting.



MD: What's the verdict chipmaster J?

J: As I mentioned I think the tasting panel would agree that curry was the winner; what I didn't say was that they'd be wrong. Okonomiyaki was absolutely the chip of the evening.

MD: That is complete hogwash and you know it.

J: Well, thanks for joining us MD. This has been COTW's Live Blog: Japanese Chip Edition.

Scottish People No Match for Bird Genius

Graven image of a Black-tailed Gull, Kabu Island, Japan

Black-tailed Gulls make no secret of their love of small fish and crustaceans; but surprisingly, nor do they exert any effort to hide the fact that they'll step over any other seabird to get what they want. There is no editing war, for example, over the extremely blunt Wikipedia entry on Black-tailed Gulls, which outright accuses these birds of stealing. Perhaps they know there's no use trying to hide it. It may not be a stretch, then, to assume that this bird genius could have already been engullfed in a life of crime when it decided that small fry were no longer enough, moving on to the biggest catch of its life: Doritos.



Some are hailing this bird as a hero. Instead, I like to think of myself as the hero, for drawing much-needed attention to the fact that this is a Black-tailed Gull; as the birders in my readership will recognize, this blog entry marks the first reported sighting of a Black-tailed Gull in Europe. Some of you might be saying, "That's actually a Common Gull." To which I can only reply, "Ha!" and then go on to explain that not only did I spend many fond hours feeding potato chips to hungry Black-tailed Gulls while on a Seagull Cruise in Hachinohe, Japan, but that my understanding has also been enriched by the visit I paid the Hachinohe Marine Biology Museum.



Am I saying that this makes me a seagull expert? Well, you can trust me, or you can trust seagullexperts.com, or actually you could probably trust us both without contradiction; they don't seem to really have much of a position on gull identification. I actually recommend against trusting them, though, because I think the seagullexperts.com website might actually have been written by a seagull. In fact, bringing the nature of "reality" into question by putting it in quotation marks is a standard trick employed by gulls trying to gain trust by mimicking the quest for insight into a classically human question, "What is reality?" Of course, interjecting metaphysical doubt into the first paragraph on a Business Solutions website was a bit heavy-handed, even for a seagull. As well as "caw caw," this site screams "rank amateur!"

For that cross-section of readers who are both intrigued by the Tangy Cheese Doritos so loved by that charming Black-tailed Gull and who've come to rely on this blog for all their info on the global chip market (sorry), never fear: I may never have encountered this chip in my travels--possibly because it's been banned in several countries for deriving it's vibrant colouring from the potentially carcinogenic Sunset Yellow--but I'm not gonna leave U hanging. Here's an extremely thorough summary of the packaging, courtesy of Helium.com:

Tangy Cheese Doritos come in a bright orange bag, very noticeable to anybody looking on the shelves. On the front of the packet you have the Doritos logo, the D of Doritos is in a blue triangle and the I in Doritos is dotted with a triangle. Below that you have the flavour of your Doritos, again this is clearly visible from the colour of the packet but if you are new to Doritos this is where you find out the flavour. Then you have some Doritos crisps, they are triangular in shape and are orange, next to them is a picture of a block of cheese which has been sliced. The background of the packet is quite modern featuring orange 3d prisms everywhere which looks really sleek and gives the effect that the Doritos are bursting out of their packet. You also have a handy indicator of the nutritional values that your bag of Doritos contains. On the rear of the bag you have the ingredients and nutritional information. To prevent soft crisps the bag is made from a plastic foil like material to keep your crisps fresh (Helium.com).


As described.

Some Stale Chips and a Fresh Start

I've been getting more than a few cards, letters, and emails (but funny enough, no comments!) since starting this blog, mostly along the lines of "Please tell me more about chips." I cannot apologize enough for the many time I've purchased and eaten chips with the intention of blogging but then just ate them without blogging, so instead I'll side-step the apology entirely and will just say that chip-related updates will, in time, be coming. Yes, unfortunately, today's chip, the Frito Lay chiizu baaru (cheese ball)--which is really more of an orb--was something of a disappointment. And I want this blog to start off with a chip that really ROCKS.

Please continue to check this site daily for updates.

Join Us

Chips.

A word that is guaranteed to evoke strong feelings. A concept so revolutionary that it has crossed all borders. A substance so powerful that is has spawned a blog, or perhaps blogs, focusing specifically on chips. Come, let us explore together a dark and fascinating world—a world where social mores are cast aside and humanity sits together in the dimly lit room that is earth, and feasts.

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